How Emotional Intelligence Changed My Life
“Successful leaders and superior performers tend to have superb Emotional Intelligence skills.”
What our kids can teach us
Sports are an amazing avenue for parents to connect with their children while helping them grow into adults. You’re able to teach them lessons that they will thank you for later in life.
But they are also able to teach you lessons. And I will never forget the day when my son, Mitch, taught me one of the greatest lessons of my life.
I was coaching Mitch’s basketball team when he did something, I’ve never seen him do before. He took the ball after the whistle was blown and threw it at an opposing player out of frustration. I was shocked!
I quickly asked myself where he learned that from, and the answer hit me like a freight train. He learned it from his dad.
It was at that moment I knew something had to change.
You can listen to our most recent podcast where I cover all 5 Dimensions of Emotional Intelligence:
When I was growing up, my dad would lose his temper and yell at me to correct me or get me back on track. Back in the day, this was viewed as their responsibility, at home, and work. Early on it was modeled for me that dads getting upset and yelling at their kids was how it was done.
I do not say this to condemn my father for how he raised my siblings and I. He was successful in raising us to be mature and respectable adults and we are still close as a family to this day.
He did the very best he could with what he was shown and taught by his father. But that doesn’t have to be the way it goes for you and me.
Why you should care about Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
For years we all agreed that IQ was the most important skill we needed. Companies wanted to hire individuals with high IQ’s thinking these individuals would turn into the high performers. But in the end, successful leaders and superior performers tend to have superb emotional intelligence skills.
Throughout the years there have been many studies on superior performance and IQ is just one of the many factors contributing to leadership effectiveness. However, what has been proven to make a significant difference between average and superior leaders is EQ.
It’s about gaining IQ on your EQ.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply emotions to be more collaborative and productive with others. Three out of the five factors of EQ revolve around your own emotions while the other two cover the emotions of others.
The most intriguing factor of emotional intelligence is that it is not fixed and can be developed. On the contrary, your DISC, or natural behavioral style, is typically fixed in your adolescent years. This is great news for you if your Emotional Intelligence isn’t where you want it to be yet.
How can you improve your Emotional Intelligence?
For me it was 3 simple steps I took to improve and leverage my EQ:
1. Have a “why” or reason to improve your EQ
2. Gain awareness of your Emotional Intelligence
3. Implement techniques to manage your EQ
Step 1 became very clear for me when my son lost his temper and threw the ball at another player. I realized I was passing on this generational issue to my son and knew I had to change. It was the wake-up call I needed to gain awareness of my lack of Emotional Intelligence.
The next step for me was taking an Emotional Intelligence assessment. The assessment gave me scores in all 5 dimensions of Emotional Intelligence, Email me for more information on taking an Emotional Intelligence Assessment, helping me to figure out which needed more work. The assessment also included techniques to improve on each of the 5 dimensions.
What my first EQ assessment taught me was that I was an emotional idiot. I had low self-awareness and no regulation of my emotions; I did not control my emotions, my emotions controlled me. But without this awareness, I would not have known HOW to improve my EQ.
Lack of EQ doesn’t only impact you
The lack of EQ will show differently for each natural behavioral style. For a high D, like myself, this will manifest as a quick temper or failure to listen. A high S will display a lack of EQ more internally, they will think it (judgment) but not say it.
It is important to remember that a lack of EQ regardless of your style will not only affect you but everyone around you.
For me, it was negatively impacting every relationship I had, at work and home. This awareness led me to my final step which was to make increasing my Emotional Intelligence my single leadership development priority.
I read several books on EQ and was eventually trained and certified in Emotional Intelligence. Through these resources and the training I’ve received, I have learned many techniques to help conquer my Emotional Intelligence.
Some of those techniques for me are:
- Working out
- Checking my emotional temperature periodically throughout the day
- Having an accountability partner to vent to with no consequences and as a result helping me get back to level
- When I start getting frustrated or upset, I think, “EQ…EQ…EQ”
Why am I telling you this?
If you want to become the best leader, parent or coach that you can, EQ is a necessity. The good news is, you have the ability to improve your emotional intelligence and accomplish great things. Like with building a house brick by brick, improving and building up your EQ is built over time.
Lucky for you, there are many different methods to improve your EQ and understand that your process may not look like mine. The main point that I want to stress is that you start TODAY on improving your Emotional Intelligence.
Some of those methods are:
- Email me to take an EQ assessment to start on your journey to becoming a better leader and attaining superior performance (The detailed assessment report will help make improving and sustaining higher EQ more efficient and effective for you)
- Download the free EQ eBook
- Watch the video that goes more in-depth on all 5 dimensions of EQ
For more information and tips on how to improve your Emotional Intelligence, listen to our recent podcast:
Thank you for reading this week’s blog. If you have any questions about taking an Emotional Intelligence assessment, email us at email@example.com. Make sure to sign up below for Stop The Vanilla’s Strategy & Talent Newsletter to stay up to date on all of our content here at Stop The Vanilla.